One of the Awesomes drank so much last night that she was still rather unwell in the morning. Rather than miss out on the game drive she boarded the truck with everyone else but seemed to forget that the track would be rather bumpy.

Ten minutes into the game drive she was looking decidely unwell. Within twenty minutes she was throwing up into an air-sickness bag someone else had the foresight to hand her. And she was off to climb Mt Kilimanjaro the next day…

Thankfully, we shall not cross paths with her again (Awesome!) to see whether she made it or not but we suspect that the preparation for climbing the largest mountain in Africa might not include getting so drunk you can’t stand up, then throwing up the next day.

Categories: Travel, SPOTD, Africa 2007
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Still in Tanzania, we managed to end up (against our wishes) trapped for six hours in a 4WD vehicle exploring the Ngorongoro Crater with Zoe (yesterday’s SPOTD) and three girls we referred to as “The Awesomes”. It was a hellish experience, primarily due to the fact that they were incredibly immature 22yo girls who:

1. had developed a vocabulary based on Paris Hilton so everything was either “awesome” or “hot”, and
2. thought the Lion King was a documentary.

Every rock we saw must, of course, be Pride Rock. Every male lion was Simba. Every female lion was Nala. Every time we saw a warthog all three of them would identify it as Pumba. There were also 15 hyenas in the crater. This was a fact burned into my brain because EACH AND EVERY TIME we saw a hyena the following “Lion King” dialogue took place…

Awesome 1: Awesome! A hyena!

Awesome 2: Mufasa!

Awesome 1 & 3: Oooooh! Do it again!

Awesome 2: Mufasa!

Awesome 1 & 3: Oooooh!

Awesome 2: Mufasa! Mufasa! Mufasa!

Awesome 1, 2, and 3: *hysterical laughter*

Repeat fifteen times…

We knew we were in trouble when we began the descent into the crater with Zoe and the Awesomes all merrily screaming out cheerleader chants from the “Bring It On” movie which they knew word perfect. Di and I slumped a little lower in the seat as the driver of the vehicle looked incredulously at the idiots we were riding with.

During the game drive the driver mentioned we were going to stop for a meal break beside a lake containing hippos (because Zoe was carping about wanting to see a hippo out of the water). One of the Awesomes asked if there would be a chance to go for a swim because it was so hot (thermal reference, not Paris Hilton reference, for a change!). The driver chuckled and promised she could go for a swim. He explained that hippos were one of the most dangerous animals in Africa but only if you got between them and the water because they would crush anything in their path to get to the water. Since they would be in the water already, they would obviously not be dangerous.

Di and I chuckled along with his amusing joke, but shook our heads in disbelief with the driver as we all realised the Awesomes and Zoe now had plans to go swimming because they were discussing where to get changed and whether there would be toilet cubicles nearby for modesty when changing. The driver, realising he would be legally liable for telling people to swim with hippos, quickly had to explain he was only joking and they could not swim after all. The disappointment was palpable in the air for quite some time and we got the impression were it not for the crocodiles in the lake they might have tried their luck with the hippo swim anyway.

Categories: Travel, SPOTD, Africa 2007
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During a game drive in the Serengeti this morning we were delighted to discover a cheetah looking to make a meal out of either a Thomson’s gazelle or a red hartebeest.  We stopped the vehicle to watch for a while and the cheetah was singling out a meal from among the many antelope so we hoped for a chase.

After a half-hearted attempt to catch a gazelle, the cheetah stopped for a while to catch its breath and perched on a small mound to better survey the area.  A hyena, attracted by the chase, came over toward the cheetah and began to harass it a bit.  Although capable of catching their own meals occasionally, hyenas are scavengers therefore tend to follow around cheetah if they can because when the cheetah catches an antelope the hyena can simply steal the carcass due to its larger size.

Both predators came toward the truck where we’d been sitting for about 15 minutes and then walked past the cabin toward a slightly distant rise about 40m away.  It was at this moment that the SPOTD award was given because one of the others on our tour decided that since we were sitting still in the truck, it would be an excellent time to nip out for a pee break.  After all, if we were all watching the animals out one side of the truck, he reasoned he could just pee on the other side and nobody would be watching.

Wandering in the Serengeti near two reasonably large carnivores did not occur to him as a bad idea.  It was apparently only when the guide yelled at him and demanded that he get back into the vehicle that he realised he was not faster than a gazelle and therefore would rapidly become lunch.

Categories: Travel, SPOTD, Africa 2007
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On our tour of Tanzania there was a female Australian named Zoe that, quite frankly, was absurdly stupid. Travelling alone (probably because anyone who met her for more than three minutes would never consider travelling with her), her idea of a fantastic holiday in Africa was to go out on game drives and spot animals. Fair enough - sounds like the same sort of idea we had, right? Alas, where we came to a difference of opinion was that when we found an animal, we were able to fight the urge to lean out the nearest window and scream loudly at it. Zoe was not…

Every time we came to a pond containing hippos, Zoe would excitedly scream “HEY! HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS! DO SOMETHING! GET OUT OF THE WATER! MOVE! MOVE! HEY! HIPPOS! HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS!”

She would also scream inane things like “HELLO BAMBI!” at impala, “HELLO KITTY! HERE KITTY KITTY KITTY!” at lions, etc. The animals naturally reacted by moving away from the truck quickly so all we saw were rapidly receding backsides. Obviously this was not the sort of thing the other travellers wanted so they tried telling her to be a little quieter but to no avail.

During one game drive when she yelled at an impala, I leaned over to Di in what I honestly thought was a quiet fashion and muttered “Does she have to yell at EVERY animal?“. Evidently it was not quiet enough because Zoe heard me and then barked at me that she could in fact yell at every animal she wanted to because she had paid for her trip and she was entitled to enjoy it so I could go to hell.

In a lovely karmic twist, and I wish I could take credit for slipping her laxatives in her coffee but cannot, Zoe got a large dose of gastro the next day and spent the rest of the week lying asleep on the truck during most game drives. Too afraid to yell out the window unless squeezing her abdominal muscles led to an unexpected release of bodily fluids, the world was suddenly a better place.

Categories: Travel, SPOTD, Africa 2007
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We had a great wedding day yesterday, starting with the brutally early game drive (wake up @ 5:30am) where we saw elephant, rhino, giraffe, kudu and other antelope, and many more animals. The morning was spent lazing on the bungalow porch watching the waterhole, followed by lunch with the Reverend Ron Howard and his wife Sue. We had a great chat, getting to know one another in person after the various email exchanges before we left.

Di looked stunning in her latte-coloured dress which had little crystal-beads lining the bodice and down the front of the dress. I was very very impressed since it was the first time I’d seen the dress (we wanted to have at least one element of surprise on the day). The brown tones of the dress really suited the African earthy tones surrounding us and the metallic elements caused it to appear more silver as day turned to night.

We drove to the top of a mountain in a bridal-decorated Land Rover open-air jeep and stood on a rocky outcrop looking out over 8000 hectares of Bongani private game reserve to our left, Kruger National Park to our right and the Crocodile River marking the boundary between them. It was breathtaking and majestic and exactly what we wanted. The sunset was a fiery red as we had hoped (although we had some inadvertent help there because there have been many fires lately so the smoke in the air turns the sunsets redder than usual).

Our vows complete, we had sundowners and fresh strawberries (grown in elephant dung - yummy!) and watched the final signs of the day ebb away. Back at the lodge we had our own private table (though mixed in with the rest of the lodge visitors, as requested) and an ENORMOUS cake. We did tell them there were only two of us there but even after we gave cake to anyone else who wanted some, there was still half a cake. It felt only right to donate it to the staff because just before the cake cutting the entire staff of the lodge came out on the decking, surrounding our table and singing in the most beautiful voices. It was the true African sound and we loved it.

Categories: Travel, Africa 2007
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First SPOTD award went to me very early on. In fact, it was because it was early that I got the SPOTD award. In the very wee hours of the morning (pre-5am) it turns out that my brain does not function well and we were a quarter of the way to the airport before I remembered that I’d left my Akubra on the couch in the house and we had to go back to get it. We eventually made it to the airport in time and with the hat but minus another $15 in taxi fares.

Categories: Travel, SPOTD, Africa 2007
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I noticed a deal on the South African website for Avis car rentals, exclusively for foreign visitors, where the liability/excess in the event of an accident/theft would be $0. When I checked the fine print, I found that the particular insurance coverage included in the deal did have a liability/excess in such situations so emailed for clarification.

My emailed response advised me to contact the e-commerce department … using the TELEPHONE NUMBER provided. Great. Not only am I on the other side of the world, the e-commerce department can’t be contacted electronically. Brilliant use of the internet, Avis!

Categories: SPOTD, Africa 2007
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