On my way out of the city I stopped at K-Mart Campbellfield to grab two items. I was only gone from the car for a maximum of four minutes but returned to find a shopping trolley resting against my car. Immediately I thought some gutter-scum miserable weasel-licking dirtbag had finished their shopping and left their trolley next to my car and was filled with appropriate thoughts of outrage about how lazy they were.

Then I moved the trolley to discover the large dent in the front right panel of the car where paint had been removed and the trolley had scraped along the car for a few inches. Given the trolley return bay was approximately 15 metres from my car and the angle of the slight slope the offender had to have been within 6 metres of the trolley return bay and instead figured it more appropriate to let the trolley just sail off and damage my vehicle.

Upon discovering the damage I immediately whirled about to search the carpark for the SPOTD that had done this. I knew it would be easy to locate the offending SPOTD - clearly they would be identifiable as the by-product of a scientific experiment to fuse together the rectal tissue of twenty three different animal species and shape the mess into human form. Alas, in a sign they were perhaps not so stupid, the SPOTD that had dented my car had fled the scene.

No security cameras cover the carpark so now I am left with a dent in the car and an emotional scar so deep you can’t see light from the bottom. Indeed, there’s a tormented darkness in that scar and if I should ever find out a technique to travel back in time so I can discover who did it then there will be no concern for ensuring their wellbeing and the continuity of the timeline. My current plans involve peeling flesh from their body and dipping them in salt. Before I shoot them many many times. Many times. Starting at their toes and shooting a point six inches higher every minute or so until I reach their shoulders, then moving back down their body. Blood loss won’t be an impediment to my plans because I will have a transfusion process in place to keep them alive for as long as I need them to be so they understand the gravity of their sin. Grr.

Categories: SPOTD