Still in the market for a new car we met another SPOTD car salesman. We wanted to test drive the Ford Focus manual sedan so visited Bayford Fawkner. The salesman greeted us and asked what we wanted to look at, and we advised him of our interest only in driving the manual sedan Focus. He assured us there was no problem and offered us a seat.

He then brought out a sheet of paper entitled “Guest Survey” which was, essentially, “Potential Customer Details” and began to ask a few questions about the specific model we were interested in. We knew the interior would be slightly more refined in the higher models but were more interested in the driving experience than whether there were 2 or 4 airbags at that point so reminded him again we wanted to test drive the manual sedan version. Again, he assured us there were a couple out the back.

We humoured him on the first couple of questions on the Guest Survey then looked at each other when he asked his third question on the survey - what our colour preference was. We didn’t really care and began to worry whether he actually did have a car or not and whether this was a complete waste of our time.

SPOTD: So, what colour would you like?

Me: Actually, I don’t care at this stage. I just want to test drive the car.

SPOTD: Yeah, no problems. Just picking a colour at the moment though.

Me: Does it matter?

SPOTD: Oh, colour’s important to some people!

Me: I don’t care. Red.

SPOTD: Which red? We’ve got Ruby Red and Colorado Red.

Me: Does it matter?  Do you actually have a car out the back or not?

SPOTD: Yes.

We zipped through the rest of the questions as quickly as we could, and he then took a photocopy of my licence and fetched some trader licence plates so we knew we were in business. Finally. Until he came back and said he didn’t have a manual sedan out the back after all so we’d take the automatic hatchback in the front yard for a test drive instead…

There was absolutely no apologetic tone in his voice whatsoever - he seemed completely oblivious to my growing ire so was rather taken aback when I sighed and bit back at his stupidity.

Me: Okay, look, can you go fetch that Guest Survey paperwork?

SPOTD (confused): Uh, what?

Me: The “survey” we just did. Go get it. If you’re not going to listen to a word I say there is absolutely no way in hell you’re keeping my details on file here so some idiot can call me in a week’s time.

SPOTD (frozen): Uhh…..

Me: Go get the survey. I want my details back.

With that, he scampered off to the manager’s office where he’d just left the paperwork to (we expected) bring back the survey since he didn’t have the car. He spoke to the manager for about 30 seconds or so then re-emerged without the paperwork and returned to where we stood in the middle of the showroom.

SPOTD (nervously): Er, we have an automatic sedan you could test drive.

Me (angrily pointing at my feet): Do you see these boots? They’re big. My feet are big. There’s an extra pedal in the manual version compared to the automatic and that’s going to make a difference. Were we not clear when we said “manual” before? We said it as soon as we walked in and several times in our conversation. Man - u - al.

The SPOTD scampered back to the manager’s office again then returned without the paperwork again after another two minutes.

SPOTD (more nervous): We have a manual sedan at the other showroom in Epping. I could drive you to Epping right now in my car and we could do the test drive there.

Me (impatiently): No. We’re going to your competitor now. Once we’re done there, we will give you a call. You can then meet us at Epping.

So, after checking out the opposition we called and organised a test drive at the other showroom. Evidently word about the cranky people got to the people in the Epping showroom since not only did a salesman there welcome us, the manager was also very quick to identify himself and welcome us personally, to apologise for the experience at the other store and to assure us he would still like us to spend our money with them.

But then, as it turns out, the car was not particularly comfortable - the seat appeared to be full of rocks and there was no lumbar support so I don’t think that’s the car we’ll be buying. Even if we do end up buying that car, it won’t be from the SPOTD at Bayford Fawkner.

Categories: SPOTD
No Comments »

We’re in the market for a car at the moment but many places to buy a car are not open on a Sunday. I’m not sure why not - seems to restrict possible purchases quickly if they’re not open for half a weekend. Anyway, that’s a SPOTD report of its own.

I rang the folks at Melbourne City Toyota this morning and asked them whether they had a manual sedan Corolla in stock that I could test drive. I explained I didn’t want to drive the hatchback nor an automatic sedan and that it was important I drive the vehicle I was asking about. The salesman I spoke to on the phone “checked” for me and reported they did indeed have the vehicle I wanted to test drive. It was only when we travelled 40 minutes into the city that we discovered the Toyota salesman was, in fact, a lying weasel and they didn’t have the car I wanted to test drive.

Oddly, he seemed to think we might want to test drive a hatchback - despite it being a vehicle we specifically stated we did not want to drive. The only reason I can think he dragged us in there was so he could be awarded the SPOTD award. Well, good on you, Melbourne City Toyota. If you’re going to lie at that point in the sales process, there’s no way we’re dealing with you.

Categories: SPOTD
No Comments »

Okay, so you don’t have to be the brightest person to work in a shopping mall food court sandwich bar but a little common sense wouldn’t hurt.  My SPOTD today was the employee at “Anytime Sandwiches” in Westfield Shopping Centre Airport West who doesn’t quite understand the concepts of food handling and gloves.

One of the things that annoys me about many food handlers is that they wear latex gloves on one hand as a hygiene measure when preparing food (eg: a sandwich) and then hand over the food, accept the money in their gloved hand, operate the cash register, fumble around in the till, return the money in their gloved hand and then proceed to deal with the next customer’s food - without changing their glove.

The blonde female employee at the sandwich bar took it an extra step though.  Spotting a fly buzzing around in the salad cabinet she reached in with her gloved hand and squashed it against the inside of the glass cabinet.  It was still alive after the first attempt to squash it so she repeated the action.  After catching the carcass she then retracted her hand from the cabinet, flicked the fly onto the floor of the store and immediately began handling food again.  Mmmm… yummy!

At the time we were debating where to eat but that action eliminated that store from the options pretty quickly!  I’m sure other stores were similarly unhygienic but at least we didn’t have to see squashed fly guts being rubbed into the food by a SPOTD!

Categories: SPOTD
No Comments »

We were test driving new cars today and encountered a SPOTD at the Holden dealership in Essendon. Presumably unintentional, his mannerisms were the ultra-stereotype of a car salesman - an arrogantly brash, self-loving, over-the-top, don’t-listen-to-customers, aren’t-I-great kind of guy. Amongst the verbal diarrhoea spewing forth came an unsolicited comment he made about the dealership, whilst gripping his belt buckle and adjusting his pants in an attempt to demonstrate his manliness.

SPOTD: You know, we’re all great out here. Aren’t we good? We’re good. We’re just really really great.

Uh, fine - even if you’re not going to need two people for the conversation, how about letting customers be the judge of that? Also, this is Australia - making a comment like that is pretty much guaranteed to make people want to adopt the opposite position on principle.

Categories: SPOTD
No Comments »

On my way out of the city I stopped at K-Mart Campbellfield to grab two items. I was only gone from the car for a maximum of four minutes but returned to find a shopping trolley resting against my car. Immediately I thought some gutter-scum miserable weasel-licking dirtbag had finished their shopping and left their trolley next to my car and was filled with appropriate thoughts of outrage about how lazy they were.

Then I moved the trolley to discover the large dent in the front right panel of the car where paint had been removed and the trolley had scraped along the car for a few inches. Given the trolley return bay was approximately 15 metres from my car and the angle of the slight slope the offender had to have been within 6 metres of the trolley return bay and instead figured it more appropriate to let the trolley just sail off and damage my vehicle.

Upon discovering the damage I immediately whirled about to search the carpark for the SPOTD that had done this. I knew it would be easy to locate the offending SPOTD - clearly they would be identifiable as the by-product of a scientific experiment to fuse together the rectal tissue of twenty three different animal species and shape the mess into human form. Alas, in a sign they were perhaps not so stupid, the SPOTD that had dented my car had fled the scene.

No security cameras cover the carpark so now I am left with a dent in the car and an emotional scar so deep you can’t see light from the bottom. Indeed, there’s a tormented darkness in that scar and if I should ever find out a technique to travel back in time so I can discover who did it then there will be no concern for ensuring their wellbeing and the continuity of the timeline. My current plans involve peeling flesh from their body and dipping them in salt. Before I shoot them many many times. Many times. Starting at their toes and shooting a point six inches higher every minute or so until I reach their shoulders, then moving back down their body. Blood loss won’t be an impediment to my plans because I will have a transfusion process in place to keep them alive for as long as I need them to be so they understand the gravity of their sin. Grr.

Categories: SPOTD
No Comments »

Today’s SPOTD is more of a group award to the people that make bicycles and bicycle accessories. In what is turning out to be a needlessly excessive saga I still don’t have a pack rack on my bike after a couple of weeks of trying.

First the pack rack I bought didn’t have anything to attach to because the seat stem was too high, so I took it back and changed it over.

Then it was still not high enough so the bike shop assistant gave me a bracket to attach it to a different point on the bicycle. That sounded good to me until I got home and realised the only way to attach the pack rack was to cut the rear brake cable. Facing the choice of brakes versus storage, I chose brakes and decided to return it to the store.

Before I did that I went to another store in the same chain of bike stores and explained the problem to a different person. They sold me some brackets to use to attach it instead, uncertain why I’d been given the other bracket since it would never work with the cantilever brakes I have.

And that’s when I finally had the ability to attach the arms of the pack rack to the frame of the bicycle and I was able to connect it up. But wait, just when I thought it was working, it all fell apart again. It turns out that the bolts used to attach the legs of the pack rack to the frame near the centre of the rear wheel come in two sizes - 5mm and 6mm. I had 5mm bolts and, of course, 6mm holes to screw them into. Oh joy.

At the fourth bike store I went to they explained that bicycle manufacturers use either of the two bolt sizes but accessories only come with one set of bolts and you have to hope they’re the right size when you buy them. There is, of course, no way to tell until you open the packet…

Finally, I found a pack rack that fit, with the right size bolts and everything looked rosy. Except now the carrier basket that fitted with the old pack rack didn’t fit with this one - seems the new pack rack has thicker horizontal bars and so I can’t attach it. This is just getting stupid now.

In summary, thank you bicycle and bicycle accessory manufacturers of the world. You’ve made it as hard as it can possibly be to just go buy something off the shelf and expect to be able to attach it to your bike. Go and have a refreshing beverage to celebrate. Better yet, go eat the pudding leftover from the Heaven’s Gate cult - that would make me happier.

Categories: SPOTD
No Comments »

Going out for a bike ride today we nearly got cleaned up by a car.  We were riding on the bike/footpath and it crossed a road.  Looking around for cars there was one some distance back but it was slowing down to a stop and waiting for us so I led the way out onto the road.

Suddenly the car resumed its course and sped up, cutting me off.  I quickly braked and looked puzzled at the driver as he stopped the car directly in front of us to block our path.  Fixing us with an evil glare (or as evil a glare as a 17 year old pimple-faced teenage male can achieve) he then started to spin the tyres on his car whilst blocking our path.

As he drove off down the road, feeling he had used his car to represent his manhood, we were left to ponder the idiocy of some people.  We were also wondering why it was that since he was clearly such a “hero” (if only to himself) he didn’t get a real car instead of some tinny little Mazda rattlebox.

Categories: SPOTD
No Comments »