Back to the world of public transport, I had to deal with a woman tonight who was another of those people with a Very Special Bag that required a seat at the expense of paying passengers. I boarded the tram at the end of a long day and noticed a vacant seat beside the window near the back of the tram. I moved toward it and as I approached could see a middle-aged woman had her bag on it. As I arrived, I gave her a few seconds of standing beside the seat staring at her to make her feel sufficiently uncomfortable and move the bags without me needing to ask. That failed so we had a conversation.

Me: Excuse me, can you please move your bag off the seat so I can sit down please?

SPOTD: Really?

Me: Yes. Really. I’m going to the end of the line and I’m not going to stand whilst there’s a bag on a seat.

SPOTD: You’re kidding, right?

Me: Kidding? Hmmm.. Let me think about that for a second … nope. I did only ask you to move your bag, not give birth to a snowmobile. It shouldn’t be that hard, all things considered.

The SPOTD then lifted her bag off the seat, put it on her lap and slid over to the window. I should mention this was a better outcome than I’d expected. I figured she was going to be daft and make me clamber over her to get to the now-vacant seat so I thought there was perhaps hope for her. I was wrong. She sat there muttering away under her breath about me and whilst I could make out snippets of abuse, I couldn’t hear the whole thing.

Me: You know, if you’re going to insult someone, it’s always better to make it audible so they can understand you.

More sub-audible grizzling ensued so I ignored her for a while. Three or four stops later she stood up to alight from the tram and I moved my legs out of the way so she was able to move toward the door. I admit I was a bit relieved because it was a bit tense sitting beside a muttering woman but I figured that was the end of it. Again, I was wrong. As she walked past me to get to the corridor of the tram she made a snide comment despite a clear pathway to the exit.

SPOTD: Now *I* have to get *you* to move.

Me: Never let it be said that I would stand in your road to prevent you from going far away from me.

She didn’t look too happy with my comment so kept berating me.

SPOTD: Look at all that effort you went to. I was only going a few more stops.

I didn’t bother to respond. There was no logical argument I could use since I had no idea how much longer she’d be on the tram when I boarded. In any event, if she was only going a few more stops and was so inconvenienced by me asking her to move, she could have stood up at that time and remained standing for the next 2 minutes if she so chose. When I didn’t respond, she continued her needling.

SPOTD: All that effort. You could have kept standing up for a few more stops and then not had to bother me. You had to fight just to sit down and now you could have just had the seat. You just needed to wait.

Me: I couldn’t agree more. I could paraphrase your argument better though. Would you like me to do that? Here’s the summary - you couldn’t leave soon enough to make me happy.

Naturally that went down like a lead balloon but since her stop had arrived and she had to get off the tram I ended up with the final word. Bah - SPOTDs.

Categories: SPOTD