Reporting in from the heart of Route 66, we’re in McLean, Texas right now, heading westward to Amarillo, Texas.

We’ve explored the remaining wonders of Kentucky, mosied into Missouri, ambled through Arkansas and ‘opped across Oklahoma in the last few days or so. Something went astray in the plans to head north - I believe it was the cold. Di thinks it was the lack of warmth. Both of us agree the falling Aussie dollar didn’t help.

In Kentucky, we collected more bugs on our windshield than we’ve managed to do so in any other state we’ve driven through. It was phenomenal how many of these invertebrates seemed to want to kill us by flying into our path and distributing their innards over the glass. We were cleaning off the windscreen three times per day there for a short while, just to get visibility back.

In Missouri, we cruised the back roads, going off to see such oddities as the “Little Grand Canyon” in Thayer. We figure, having now seen it, that the good people of Thayer may have gotten a little carried away when describing it. More of a depression in the ground than a canyon, it’s basically a cave where the roof collapsed in during an earthquake once. Not overly deep (~30m), there was definitely a good pubilicity department at work in the naming of the park.

In Arkansas, we went on a bit of a spiritual drive to the home of Walmart - Bentonville, in the upper left corner of the state. This is where Sam Walton first opened his “Five and Dime” store that has now grown to be the all-dominating empire of Walmart Supercenters across the length and breadth of the country. Since we are spending quite a few nights in the Walmart carparks as we travel, we felt it only fitting to go pay tribute to the man who has given us free accommodation by crushing every competitor in town and creating a Microsoft environment in the grocery store industry. Ironically, the Walmart Supercenter in Bentonville does not allow any overnight camping for folks in vans and RV’s. Presumably this is because the carpark is not overly large and it was very full when we were there.

Oh, that reminds me - Easter. Easter sucked this year, as the Easter Bunny was not able to find us with decent chocolate. In a country where they put sugar in everything from white bread to butter, the chocolate is not sweet enough and so we could not eat any of it. Possibly the most evil thing in the world to do to people is to surround them with a festival where chocolate is the dominant food source, and then make it inedible for their palates. That was our Easter…*sigh* Cadbury’s is going to be seeing high profit margins when we get back, according to Di’s estimate of how many Top Deck family sized blocks she could devour right about now.

Also in Arkansas, we found a town more evil and full of tack-o-rama than in Tennessee. We never thought it possible to outdo Pigeon Forge’s and Gatlinburg’s display of bloody awful things to see, but there it was, waiting for us, in a town where they have a replica of the Holy Land, a chunk of the Berlin Wall, and a giant statue of Jesus without any feet - Eureka Springs. The latter we found out about through www.roadsideamerica.com and figured that it was worth checking out the statue. Apparently when they were building it, since it was placed on a hill, there was a need to have a little red blinking light on top to warn aircraft. Therefore, rather than have Him suffer the indignity of the red light flashing on his head, they removed the feet from the plans. End result - a pretty awful looking theme park / place for the devout to visit. (Please note that before I get abusive mail for mocking Jesus, I am not mocking Jesus. I am mocking the people that built the giant Christ With No Feet. Put down the keyboard. Relax. Calm yourself.)

In Oklahoma, we found a woman in the Beachley’s IGA deli section who was an authority on the world, all courtesy of television. From television, she knew that :

1. All women in London are fat. There are no skinny women in all of London.
2. Australia was a beautiful country filled with deadly animals.
3. Only foreign people have accents.

Now, mind you, this woman heard my accent when I was ordering some bacon and *knew* beyond a shadow of a doubt that I was from Russia. It took me a little while to convince her that I was definitely not Russian, but Australian. Her co-worker and I gave her the same “where the bloody hell did that come from?” look when she identified me as a Russian, incidentally, proving that SPOTDs get the same looks all over the world.

We were planning to go to the Devil’s Rope Museum here in McLean, but alas, it is closed Monday, like about 50% of attractions in the USA. It’s all very odd how people say they hate working Monday when so many things are only open Tue-Sun, or Tue-Sat. Devil’s Rope, incidentally, is another name for barbed wire. Yes, there really is a museum of that. In fact, there are a few scattered across the USA.

Departing now for Amarillo, where there are lots of people wearing hats, and none of them seem to have a broad brim like an Akubra. They all seem to have brims out the front and back, but since the side curls up, don’t seem to offer decent weather protection. I have made it my mission though, before we depart Texas, to find the answer as to why the hats are all like that - there must be a reason that we’re missing.

And finally, in the “How Australia Is Better Than The United States Of America” stakes, Di got an infection in her eyelid and had to go to the doctor. It’s covered by insurance, but still - a US$75.00 fee to walk in the door. A doctor looked at her eye, and concluded that she had an infection in her eyelid (I told her she should have said “no manure”, or words to that effect), and then wrote a prescription. The doctor then charged US$102.00 for that four minute consultation. Working on that theory, he would be receiving a wage of US$1,530.00 per hour, if he was run off his feet.

Still, if we’re going to pay AUD$2000.00 for travel insurance, might as well get our money’s worth…

Categories: Travel, Odyssey 2001